Youíre so lucky not to have alcohol issues, Iíve been drinking over 20 years but I havenít had a drink in over a month, just no desire anymore, no reason to deny anything anymore. When all this started I just thought it was a mid-life crisis you know just something ďnormalĒ. I travel for work 45+ weeks a year and got into a weird routine almost ascetic. Iíd get up in the morning have a cup of coffee go to work, no lunch, lilted bit of dinner and a whole lotta booze. I did this all summer, kinda awesome, except didnít realize I was fasting to the point of starvation. Now I know I was wrapping my head around this ptsd stuff I didnít even know I had, but I felt like I was slowly finally becoming human. Then for a week last month I was; however I was working in the city where I was born, where 99% of my abuse happened and it all came out; I finally put it all together and here I am. Fasting is a great way to gain insight into yourself; that and the salvia in my mind are the only reasons I made it here. Psychotropic drugs are powerful tools, I was never one of these guys to take half a hit of acid and go to school, I was the guy who would go to the middle of nowhere and eat mesc all weekend, looking for something. Thatís the other strange thing for the first time in my life I have zero desire to trip again; no need; that is so strange to me, and it was kinda funny but my son asked me if I wanted to do some salvia again and I said no.
Itís sad I never knew there was this much insight into so much pain in the world
Good morning and have a great day gentlemen.
"When you're out of the blue and into the black."