my husbands memories were totally shut down. he didnt know a thing and plus he idealized his family. one of his perps was his fake mother. he never knew about it.
the memories came when the abuse topic in the family never went away anymore, because he abused our daughter. she came and told me. then i pestered him with abuse and everything behind. the memories are now slowly appearing,but sometimes they are vague and sometimes they are very clear. he gets physical problems when he has the memories.
for abusing my daughter, he got sentenced just yesterday. noone abuses my kid without consequences. my daughter is fine and has a lot of help.
usually memories also come up whhen the surivor feels safe, in a trusting relationship and wihtout many problems in life. but when the mind vomits one memory, and the survivor deals with it, the mind understands that it can throw two more memories to the surface. make sure he gets the right support and you are most important in that.
memories also come up when a child is born or when a child gets as old as the survivor was when the abuse happened. your husband also wants to protect your child from his thinking/ fantasy, possible abuse. help him protecting - use the chance, both of you.
upcoming memories are better, much better, than hidden ones. it hurts but its realiy and reality is the best fighter for the circle of abuse.

ela
_________________________
everything is always okay in the end, if it's not, then it's not the end