Good Day gents! Hope all is well; Iíve lurked here for some time realizing how complete my denial was; just a little bit of sexual ambiguity in my teens nothing more, but Iím finally getting better! After 40+ years of self-imposed denial Iím here telling the world that my very first memory is of my rape by my grandfather. At what age this happened at Iím still not sure just know 3 things; eventually my father found out and it destroyed our relationship; he was a devout man and viewed everything through religion, not faith, guess thatís why Iím an atheist; second it destroyed my life until I met the greatest women on the planet, lastly the last time he raped me I was 7 years old. Iíve known all my life; just couldnít face it; too much anger towards my family; my dadís revenge because I turned my back on religion at the age of 4; your dad raped me how could this be work of god; he didnít care anymore neither did my mom, how could you ever let your son be alone again with him? Not just once either but multiple times over the years; he would always relish getting ahold of his little sissy again itís been sooo long!!! It wasnít just me either my aunt and her family lived with my grandparents too, my older cousin by 9 months was his victim also; he found out one day how great it was to play one against the other; the only problem is that me and my cousin rather than turn against each other, we really cared about each other; it would just be a matter of time before he would turn the tables on us; true altruistic love between cousins before the age of 5; wow! It was really sad that my cousinís older sister came home from school one day early and caught me going down on him; my cousin was in the room but not actively participating; kinda hard when a grown man is holding you down and has a gun to your head(literally); so I was the abused, lucky or unlucky she was never inquistioned like I was; she wasnít violated(not true); and that was it; I was poisoned, she was pure, these monsters that are out there its them, not me I was an infant; yeah Iím sure I looked mighty hot in that diaper. Hugh!!! I can get over his actions but the actions of my mother and father are so reprehensible that theyíre as bad as what he did; they robbed the rest of my life until I found the greatest person on the planet; my wife!
See it all comes back to karma for me; itís how I rationalize my childhood; everything happened so that I could meet my wife; be together, raise 2 awesome boys, and then I would have the time to deal with this nightmare that Iíve been repressing for 40+ years.
Finally because of all the pain ďIím oneĒ and would never ever want to go back to denial; Iím a man now; I was raped as a boy but Iím a man now! Iím a man now; I was raped as a boy but Iím a man now! Iím a man now; I was raped as a boy but Iím a man now!
"it has never yet been discovered how to make man unknow his knowledge, or unthink his thoughts"