Will - i sure get what you are saying here:
*** The experience of simultaneous fear, loathing, anger, and pleasure sent me into a period of confusion that took a couple of years to detangle.***
i would LOVE to hear more of that part of your story - if you are OK with sharing it - if not publicly, then by PM. that is where i am right now - the confusion part.
"Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself... And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity." - Paulo Coelho