Will - i sure get what you are saying here:
*** The experience of simultaneous fear, loathing, anger, and pleasure sent me into a period of confusion that took a couple of years to detangle.***
i would LOVE to hear more of that part of your story - if you are OK with sharing it - if not publicly, then by PM. that is where i am right now - the confusion part.
They have greatly oppressed me from my youth, but they have not gained the victory over me.
Plowmen have plowed my back and made their furrows long.
But the Lord is righteous; he has cut me free from the cords of the wicked.