I can't stand my ground on this. The woman is a brilliant teacher, but she loves making people jump through hoops. I know this work I plan to go into requires a lot of self-examination while I travel the entire path; stuff will come up.

I feel so pressured from all sides to disclose. For me it is a big mistake to disclose. My T thinks it is dangerous that I don't reach out for more support (one-on-one in person.) Doesn't anyone understand how scary it is to reach out. I have lost friends when I reached out. I have no real friends anymore. When I've reached out to you guys, with all due respect, I am expected to disclose and tell my story.

I realized today that my dissociation is much worse than I thought. Truth is, I had convinced myself i do not have DID. Only PTSD on my plate, Mrs. Cafeteria Lady. Not. Depression. Suicidal thoughts, depression.

I'm losing my mind but at the same time I am very very sane.

I am fighting this tyooth and nail!!!!!!

DAMMIT!!DAMMITT!!DAMMIT!!

The stuff that comes up gets uglier and uglier.

Guys here now ignore me. If i get angry (and drunk) enough I will name names. It hurts that bad that i'd drag people down with me. But they have no right to reject me for what was done to me. Especially when i've come here, to them, for support.

I'm babbling.

Guys here have withdrawn their support because my progress hasn't been quick and expediant, because I don't call myself a survivor.

I am going to shut the fuck up.

What soothed you as a child? Mine was to play with my farm set. It had a beautiful tin barn with lots of animals. I liked the pig. Not the most attractive of the animals and dirty to boot, he reminded me of myself.

I am no more than a cumdump for a group of creatures that used me over and over.

I'm disconnecting so bad right now. I am really really sorry. I f any of you have religion, say a prayer for me.