I was about the same age when I was first abused and 'he was gentle' with me. I have the same problem you have with sometimes feeling that it wasn't abuse or it wasn't that bad......BUT IT WAS!!! I didn't know it was wrong either and so much happened after that I have only just realised was also wrong. Sexual abuse was my normal. This 'Gentle' CSA has impacted my life in such a destructive way and lead me to make some really bad choices for which I will be paying for for the rest of my life.
I am sorry you are feeling triggered tonight. I know what that anxiety feels like all to well (last week).
I guess all I can offer is that you are not alone in this. I have felt the exact same way.
Hang in there man - it will pass.
More than meets the eye!