Welcome to the site Searching. I totally understand your story. My abuse started early and went on all through my childhood. I was on my own at 17 too. There are a lot of good people here, good resources too. I also suggesting finding a good Therapist. Mine has helped me a lot to first stop blaming myself, and to realize it was not my fault. I am moving forward in a way I didn't know was possible last year. Our stories are different in here, but we all understand the hurt. Glad you found us...
_________________________
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” - Plato