I think love is not enough, thats my opinion, my husband loves me, in his way, and with his capabilities,
and i love him, but i've come to think that this is sadly not enough.
Like a lot of us partners, ive been thinking about this question for some time now too..
Last year i told my husband either to work on his recovery, or i would get a divorce.
This had, in a way, nothing to do with him, it was about me.
I wasnīt trying to corner him or control him, I just couldnīt do it anymore. I was exhausted.
I have a son that also lives in this mess, and i felt i have to protect him from this.
I gave my husband a year to work on his recovery prior to this year in wich he did the bare minimum. I gave him this, a huge gift and he whiped his ass with it. That is how it felt for me.
Me and our family are not important enough to him to fight for.
My boundaries lead me to take this action.
I felt myself fading away more and more.
The other thing is, that ive been doing a lot of research on PTSD, PTSD/c.
My husband has complex ptsd, that also means he denies and tries to work around the trauma most of the time. This isnīt my husband, this is PTSD talking. Its a symptom of severe trauma.
I see him taking on responsebilities on a lot of other areas in life. But just not this one.
This denial mechanism, sort of makes it very hard to confront your issues and get help.
There is a correlation between war related PTSD, most of the soldiers suffering from it, also deny and reject help and their families are shattered and broken.
You now this is very common.
Some veterans that go untreated, even end up homeless. Losing everything.
The question is if you are doing anybody any favour by waiting untill he seeks help.
You cannot control your husband, but you can tell him what the consequenses are of his actions and state your boundaries.
You know that there is a possibility that he canīt do it. I knew that too when i presented my husband with my final boundary, either work on it, or we are through.
The situation between my husband even lead to domestic violence, I had a hystericall fit, broke some glasses, kicked my husband, cried, screamed and fell on the floor. Some of it was whitnessed by my son.
I felt i was ready to be admitted in the psychiatric hospitall.
Thats how bad is was. Thats why i couldīt do it anymore.
Used to think that i am a very stable person, atleast I thought so, untill i was confronted with my husbands serial infedelities, lies, and after all of this, his rejection, neglect, denial, silence total loss of initiative in family life.
You know, i love him. But its not enough.
My husband got help.
We talked to our son, and daddy promised to get help. And he did.
I feel heīs on the right, allthough painfull track, now.
Working on recovery, is the bare minimum.
Well for me it is.