At one time, I never cried. I steeled myself not to show any emotions. That turned into not feeling any emotion. That went on for years.
Then the memories started to return. I started to feel – but not to cry. For a while I was stuck there. It was terrible – lots of pressure – no relief.
Then I started to cry. I felt the emotions – and the tears would come at the appropriate time. They were wracking sobs that came from deep in my gut and shook my whole being to the core. There was a connection between the emotional and the physical symptoms.
Now, I cry for no reason – or very little. It’s like making up for lost time, like all those tears just have to come out – whether there is a good reason for them or not. The slightest little thing can set me off. I can’t find the “off switch.” There is seldom any sobbing or physical sign (except with an occasional memory or real event that prompts real emotion) – just my eyes start flowing. Sometimes I don’t even realize it – until the drops are falling off my chin or I can’t see clearly through brimming eyes. This happens multiple times a day – and without warning. it's a nuisance - and embarrassing.
I know all the previous stages are somewhat common. Has anyone experienced the last one? How did it turn out? Any hope for an end to this?
A man talking sense to himself is no madder than a man talking nonsense to not himself.
Or just as mad.
So there you are.
Stark raving sane.
- Tom Stoppard, Rosencrantz & Guildenstern are Dead