At one time, I never cried. I steeled myself not to show any emotions. That turned into not feeling any emotion. That went on for years.
Then the memories started to return. I started to feel – but not to cry. For a while I was stuck there. It was terrible – lots of pressure – no relief.
Then I started to cry. I felt the emotions – and the tears would come at the appropriate time. They were wracking sobs that came from deep in my gut and shook my whole being to the core. There was a connection between the emotional and the physical symptoms.
Now, I cry for no reason – or very little. It’s like making up for lost time, like all those tears just have to come out – whether there is a good reason for them or not. The slightest little thing can set me off. I can’t find the “off switch.” There is seldom any sobbing or physical sign (except with an occasional memory or real event that prompts real emotion) – just my eyes start flowing. Sometimes I don’t even realize it – until the drops are falling off my chin or I can’t see clearly through brimming eyes. This happens multiple times a day – and without warning. it's a nuisance - and embarrassing.
I know all the previous stages are somewhat common. Has anyone experienced the last one? How did it turn out? Any hope for an end to this?
"Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself... And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity." - Paulo Coelho