I LOVE HIM

Therefore I am supportive of ALL of his abuse related issues PLUS I have a clean house, I wash his clothes, iron them, help him with his career progression, haircut, shoes, ANYTHING he wants that is in my power I will do for him because I LOVE HIM.

DOES HE LOVE ME?
if he did, wouldn't have he registered to Male Survivor or any other support group? wouldn't he have been to the doctors? wouldn't he want to have sex with me? wouldn't he stop the irrational anger? wouldn't he WANT TO DO EVERYTHING IN HIS POWER to make this relationship work?

He works and provides the money, so Am I being selfish and complaining over nothing? Are his career and work efforts enough?

I want sex with him, I want him to stop drinking all together. I want him to stop being angry most of the effing friggin time! I WANT HIM TO WANT TO RECOVER.

He always promises and does the bare minimum to make me think this time it'll be different, this time he is fully committed,and then... NOTHING.

When is enough?

or am I selfish?

Because deep down, I know he loves me.

Is love enough?

I feel stupid complaining here. He has never betrayed me the way some of the other survivors have done to their loving wives here. He has moved around the country for me. He provides for his family. He makes me laugh sometimes.

Or am I just a coward? I can't face the facts. I can't face the fact that I am tired of waiting for him to want to recover.

I wanna go home to my mother. How pathetic is that?

I am so depressed. I have lost two family members. I can't seem to find a job and my husband won't fuck me. Nothing makes me happy anymore. Why would he want to sleep with me? I have gained weight, I hardly bother looking good these days. I have a panic attack when I am outside. I've become a recluse. I don't even want to see my friends anymore. He blames me for the way I am. He doesn't know what is like to lose loved one though.

Rant over.

Apologies for the crazy message

Thanks for reading if you did.


Edited by misscrespo (02/08/13 02:54 AM)