I am introducing myself to the group. I figured I had to because otherwise you would think I was just lurking around. When I was very young my grandpa would tickle my feet and when I would giggle and pull away he would tell me that it was "Mind over Matter". We practiced that for years and little did I realize that before my teenage years I was going to need that talent to survive. I didn't realize it until decades later when my T at the time started calling me the Dissociative King of the World. I had learned to zone out so well, it made therapy then and now almost impossible.
The incidents I am able to talk about are things where I am not sure you could call it abuse. It was a boy the same age as me although he was very experienced because he had been abused by his cousin. I let things go on for years because it was so confusing before I finally put a stop to it. Some days I wonder if I really did stop it or if I just stopped the action. Is it possible to call something that happened with someone your own age - abuse? That is one of my biggest struggles right now. The other struggles are blurred by Mind over Matter - or dissociation.