This is a long one, sorry.
So I realized recently that my husband is pushing our friends away. Most of our friends are "couples" friends--like we hang out as husbands and wives. I'm usually friends with the wife and he the husband. We do things together and separately. Over the past year and a half, I have noticed that he is slowly pushing our friends away. He would either show up separately to a friends house, often very late. Or just not hang out at all. This weekend has been terrible. Friday night he was supposed to hang out with the husband of my friend. He was going to go to their house and I was going to hang out with the wife. I did my thing, but he totally abandoned my friends husband. He ordered him food, waited around--and my husband didn't even call to tell him he wasn't coming. Instead, I came home to find my husband obsessing over his helicopter hobby. I asked him what is more important, his friends or his helicopters. He said "Right now my helicopters." Ok so whatever, I went out and didn't let my night be ruined. The next day we had plans with another couple. We were supposed to hang out at noon. He kept finding excuse after excuse to not go. Feeling sick, problem with his helicopter--you name it. I kept asking our friends if we can have another hour or so. Eventually they said "Sorry, we made other plans. We couldn't wait." I don't blame them, it just sucks. None of our friends know about his abuse.
So now I feel like he is pushing his friends away and I am being affected because they are my friends too. We had a huge fight. I told him I was thinking of leaving. He cursed at me (in front of our son--he is only four months old, but at some point he is going to start absorbing all this...) and I told him that I shouldn't leave that he should. He is the one not dealing with the issues so why should I be inconvenienced? He is always telling me that I'm better off if I leave--that he doesn't deserve good things. So I put that back in his face (of course I regret this now because I know I hurt him) but my big Italian mouth got the best of me. I said "You tell me you don't deserve me, our son--what makes you think you deserve this house??!!" He then walked out--went somewhere to spend money we don't have (another problem).
It's just the endless cycle--I'm so frustrated. It's like we have a few great days where he opens up, we have a good night. Then something happens and he goes off to a dark place in his mind where nothing else matters. When does he realize this isn't working...he needs help! He is on the verge of losing his job. And the sad part is I feel like I'm so tired and exhausted from trying and trying and getting nothing positive in return, that I just don't care anymore. Let him lose his job. Let him lose his friends. I'm just going to keep going. I'm basically a single mom anyway.
When will things turn around? I just want him to try.
If you made it through reading all of that, thanks.