Jeff - if I may suggest ....
Accept "Little Jeff". Accept the fact he did what he needed to do to survive. Don't associate blame or fault. I seem to hear accusation when you speak of him. I think it's time for him (and you) to receive full pardon.
For me, it started by loving myself. And in that I mean accepting me AS I AM and AS I WAS. That little guy went thru hell but he survived. I had to let go of the "need" to know everything (I still know less than maybe 10% of my childhood). And I had to grieve the fact I would never have the childhood that I want even now. I can't give my little guy a better childhood, but I can and will give him the acceptance that he did what he had to do. Whether someone was forcing him, or whether it was for self preservation - that small, unknowing, frightened, confused child was lost in the world and in himself. He can find himself now. In me. And know he is loved, he is cherished, and I am so very proud of his ability to make it through the .....stuff.
Even during the worst of it, the little guy was innocent. Those were not his wishes, his wants, his needs that were being fulfilled.
... anyhoo - that's my take and how it's working for me. I now have one of my favorite pictures of the little guy, transferred to a child's T-shirt which is worn proudly by the teddy bear that sits in a place of honor in my home. And I will honor that child with every breath that I have. For as long as I have.
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the story
    https://1in6.org/men/bristlecone/mark-krueger/

Kirkridge - October 2008
Alta - September 2012
Alta - September 2013