Hi, my name is Melissa. First let me say I am grateful to be here and welcome any and all input.
My boyfriend is a survivor. I love him very much and while I read and research I feel lost. His abuse just surfaced about a year ago. We've only been back together for about 5 months. He's in weekly therapy but it feels like our lives revolve around the horrific perverse past that is his childhood. He's on meds to manage his severe PTSD and help him sleep. The nightmares are something out of a horror movie. Sometimes he shares with me and others he can't form words for me.
We've gone from planning our lives together to him barely touching or talking to me. From how much he loves me to him not sure if he can be enough man for me, and what if he is gay. Last night I asked him why he stays with me, and he said that he loves me and that is the only in his world he is certain of right now and Maybe we can't be together because he needs to go experiment with men on his own terms. He seeks out men on craigslist that only talk about the sexual things they want to do to him. I don't know what to do. DO I leave him so he can dive into a life that essentially causeed all this damage in the first place. He was violated by his uncle who paid his mother to keep her mouth shut and sold him for years. His family is on the other side of the country and seems to think if they don't talk about it everything will be better. He asked me why I stay and I told him because I love him, the real him and I know that his cycles of dealing with things are not the real him. He is so lost and I don't want to impede his healing but doesn't life go on past the abuse?
I've read books and talked to people so I understand the cycles as much as I can. What do I do? Is he better off without me? I have children that adore and love him and we are family, but is the stress of family life to much?
Everything rides on hope now, everything rides on faith some how, when the world has broken me down YOUR love sets me free....