I am looking up! This is the enemy fighting me hard and trying to convince me I can never be free and healed. I'm already free! I will be healed, and then I will be a hunter too. I learned last week that the depth of my past is only an indication of the height of my future, so I'll learn how to fight evil too. God will show me how to sort this stuff out, and how to deal with so much of what I don't understand about how life is supposed to work. I need a job to get back to school, and He will lead me there too if that is where he wants me to be. My counselor in HS said I was not smart enough to go to college, and she was wrong.
It's like this is a train wreck and my learning and finding a normal life are all in a pile on the side of broken tracks. But, God can fix the tracks, put the train back on and make it into a better train, and lead me to a place where I know what normal is and to where he wants me to be.
I will also find a way to help the little kid inside sleep in His hand. I don't even know how old I am inside, but he can fix that too. Lincoln is my favorite President. He said once: "Many times I have been driven on my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I had no where else to go. That all about me seemed insufficient for the day". I'm there, and He will show me how to keep moving forward. I am, and I will be, so much more through Him then anyone ever expected I could be.
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” - Plato