Let me start by saying - I was never in an abusive situation that directly involved the church or anyone that represented the church.

So, I notice there is a significant number of guys on here who are very religious, so perhaps someone can help me understand my own issues with religion.

I'm trying to be a Christian. I believe in God. I belong to and try to regularly attend a church. But somehow I have never been able to commit my life freely and unreservedly to God, no matter how hard I try. I'm trying to figure out why, and I think I have two ideas:

1. For many years I believed that God hated me. Part of this was because of guilt and an inability to believe that God would forgive me when I refused to forgive my perps, and part of it was that I simply didn't think I deserved to be loved. I've been working on this - I now accept that God has forgiven me and loves me. I've made it that far.

2. There is that whole "Heavenly Father" thing. I'm just not good with "father figures". I've had two "fathers" before. Neither loved me or made any effort to protect me. Both abused me. I hate them both. (Yes, I'm working on that). Could it be that I simply don't know how to respond to a father figure with anything other than fear and hate?

Any ideas? Can anyone relate?
_________________________
I guess what I'm trying to say
Is whose life is it anyway because livin'
Living is the best revenge
You can play
-- Def Leppard

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