You are absolutely right about a few things:
1) the only way to move is forward once you've broken the seal on recovery, even when it's hard to do; 2) I think seeing a guy T will be good (for me it was the opposite, was easy to tell a man but tougher with a woman T, so we're all different)... and 3) not understanding your emotions is a common CSA survivor trait, and maybe one of the worst.
PM me if you need to, little brother. You know I'm here for you.
"There is a Catskill eagle in some souls that can alike dive down into the blackest gorges, and soar out of them again and become invisible in the sunny spaces... even in his lowest swoop the mountain eagle is still higher than other birds upon the plain, even though they soar." -- from Moby-Dick