Wanted to let you all know my T says we can work on anger. She says she knows it's there and also knows I'm afraid of of it. Getting angry only gets me into trouble, but I think she knows how to deal. That's good because I dont'. She also has me talking to my first guy T tomorrow. I'll do it because my T trusts him and I trust her. It wont be fun, but it will be good for me I'm pretty sure. Ive never talked to any guy in person about specific details, and only a few about being molested in general, and hit/verbally trashed. I talked to him on the phone and he sounds nice, but even that was hard. Still I'll do it, turning back or stopping....neither of those would be good.
On the memory, I don't see anything more there and nothing bad. Herman was just being a genuinely nice man to a little kid who didn't have a lot of love. Today people would say he was trying to groom me, but he had plenty of chances to do whatever he wanted because by the time I met him at like 8, I already know how to perform. He never did anything but be kind, and I'm holding on to that memory as a good one...:)
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” - Plato