There is inside of me, a little affected boy that is crying out for someone to stand up for him and to show him that he is worth listening to; worth hearing; worth believing.

So many of us have this as a dream. Even in adulthood we are not believed, accepted or loved in the way that you describe.

It is easy to fantasize about the release of anger; revenge; street justice and prevention of further abuses. But remember that your man needs to be listened to, right now. Later, it may be appropriate to help him to disclose what he was put through.

May I humbly suggest that you look for ways to do things FOR your boyfriend rather than AGAINST the perpetrator. There are many things that you can do to actively support him on his journey of recovery.

It might seem odd to you that your boyfriend wants to protect his mother from this knowledge when his mother wasn't able to protect him from his paediatrician. But that is his call and he can change his mind later on.

Sometimes we imagine that are responsible if the perpetrator continues to violate boys but that is no more true than it is true that those who were violated before we were are somehow responsible for us being abused. That responsibility lies squarely at the feet of the abuser and not the abused.

Mium 17 you are one awesome friend. You realise that the feelings you have might be about you and not your boyfriend. If true, then it is worth remembering that one of the first stages of grief is anger. May I, therefore, suggest that you allow yourself time to work through your own grief - you can do this with your boyfriend - showing him that you believe him; that he is right to feel whatever it is that he feels; that you love him and will continue to support him.

Oh and the 30 years ago thing! Just shows he's normal. It is more often the case than not, that men are able to suppress or otherwise avoid dealing with being traumatised for 30 to 40 years after the abuse / trauma has ended.

I hope these thoughts of mine are of some help.

ADen
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I endured all my yesterdays. I prevail in all of my todays. I exercise my right to be able to enjoy my tomorrows. I choose not to do it alone.