I've been there too. Right in the church I attend. People who are never there, and never attend EXCEPT when they want something get all the help and attention, while my wife and I, who are faithful, and even VERY active is service and volunteering deal with all our stuff alone and with nothing more than a "we'll pray for you..." response.
Guess they figure since we're always there they don't have to help us because we'll just keep coming.... I don't know. Frustrating and angering to say the least!!!!
Now if you will, imagine a King being reviled and spit on, mocked and tortured. Beaten and abused and then murdered. All the while He could have called out and all those who had harmed Him would have been struck down where they stood. I know you know this already, but He did that for you. He'll never wash His hands of you. He suffered being treated unjustly for our sake.
You bear the very likeness and all the dignity thereof of God Himself. You are an image bearer of the creator. You do deserve to be treated as such. Sadly though we live in a world that doesn't care.
Your anger at how you've been treated for so long is totally justified. I won't take that away or say anything to the contrary.
I'm glad you have the wife because together you can tolerate such behaviour in your church. As for me, it burned me out so bad I really don't want to ever see the inside of a church again. It wasn't just one church, it was legion. Don't pardon the pun. lol I can't do it alone anymore. I need at least a mate. I can deal with just having one friend, but I can't live anymore on nothing. God made me human not a robot as much as I wanted to be a robot in the past. Humans need others. Hell, I haven't even had touch in 7-8 years. It's the reason the casual sex desire is getting stronger every day, too. Only Jesus could walk totally alone (and then it wasn't forever just while he hung). I've had money and it didn't fill this hole, God and he didn't fill this hole (damn near went insane trying that and that alone), intellect and it didn't fill the hole, all kinds of sex and it didn't fill that hole either.
Am I mad at God? Fuck yeah! When I was suicidal and faced the night alone (with great drugs...lol), he might have been in the room, but I felt nothing. Don't give me that shit, God I had to ask for you to comfort me and to touch me
. C'mon, dude, what did I think when I was suicidal as hell in the hospital? Yeah, sex with that nurse (I remember her and her and her..lol) would be nice. Psychiatric hospitals are great places to get lucky just as a note. lol Sex is the best stress reliever you know is why. Sex and death are also nearly the same thing chemically in the brain. So, if you find death imminent and you get a boner or get aroused, that's normal. If it has sex in it, chances are I've read about it or done it. lol
JustScott, there has to be someone out there for me to fill this hole (and me fill their's). I'm not waiting forever. If it gets too much, God does have the option of allowing one to go home for the asking. You just have to be sure and have to ask. I read about it a long time ago and I'm not scared anymore to leave and let him take me. I've heard too much of there and seen too much horror here. One last shot at a life is all that holds me here. It's not suicidal either. It's just one saying to God, I'm totally unhappy and the road is too bad for me to continue so let me go home because nobody is gonna miss me (not what I can do for them anyway) really. By the way, Jesus was taken, too. I've heard about others being taken. Selfish for me? Yep. And, years ago, when I was new to the Lord, I felt him offer a trip home. I don't think he realized he tempted me too far and I nearly went. God doesn't sin, but he can make mistakes. I know I would get love and be able to feel love there. There would also be no more pain. I'm tired. Time for a nap. Thanks again.