my heart aches for you and i am shedding tears as i type this.
i know in part the suffering you must have endured. for me it was a step-dad.
i cannot imagine though, the agony of being forced to confess to being an abuser when you were the one being abused.
you are absolutely "doing this right." let it out. as painful as it is to tell, it helps in the long run. there are many open ears, hearts and arms here waiting to accept and value you and your story.
(((((((Celtaf))))))) - safe hugs!
"Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself... And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity." - Paulo Coelho