my heart aches for you and i am shedding tears as i type this.
i know in part the suffering you must have endured. for me it was a step-dad.
i cannot imagine though, the agony of being forced to confess to being an abuser when you were the one being abused.
you are absolutely "doing this right." let it out. as painful as it is to tell, it helps in the long run. there are many open ears, hearts and arms here waiting to accept and value you and your story.
(((((((Celtaf))))))) - safe hugs!
"That you are here - that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. . . What will your verse be?" Robin Williams as John Keating in "Dead Poets Society"