I am so grateful for this discussion. I too am far more comfortable with women than with men. It seems that men who are good listeners, are sensitive, are not into sports are excluded from the world of "real" men. I too have learned how to fake it, walk into a room where guys are watching sports and always ask "what's the score" -- as if I care and know what teams are playing. So does this stem from the abuse? I have felt different ever since I experienced the pain of being called "faggot" and "fairy" for three years in elementary school. I was being sexually molested by a young man in the neighborhood at the same time.....what's been so hard to sort out is the fact that I loved the special feeling of being with this young man, felt special, never thought of it as abuse. It all happened between ages 8 and 11......the legacy: I have created a facade, know how to deal with the world but always feel empty, always feel that I'm on the margins, never fully participating in life. Several women have told me over the years that I am just like one of their girlfriends in that they can confide in me and that I care about their issues. I DO NOT want to be a girlfriend but I am also not a guy friend. I am married, seem like anyone else on the outside but am in a state of constant emotional turmoil. I want to let out the feelings that have been pent up for decades but fear ending up alone in a ratty apartment with rejections from everyone I know. I actually long for a relationship with another man to finally find out if I'm gay but doing that would be the end of my marriage and would be so far out of my comfort zone......so do we who are sensitive guys pretending to fit in our whole lives, do we just spend our entire lives wondering who we are, fearing the exploration of that question, and never really knowing.......

Ed