Two years ago I managed to bring my husband, kicking and screaming, to see a marriage counselor. It was either that or divorce, because it seemed like we had grown to hate each other. He avoids sex at all costs. He obsessively plays video and computer games, often times at the expense of having any meaningful conversations with me for weeks on end. He works 60+ hours a week, often times volunteering for weekend and holiday duties. Desperate to understand what was so terribly wrong with me that he couldn’t stand to speak with or even touch me, I pressed him for answers, which pushed him away even further. I became embittered towards him, sentiments which he returned towared me tenfold.
Hence the marriage counseling, at which time my husband finally disclosed he had been sadistically tortured by a female babysitter, on and off for about two years. He had never so much as breathed a word about it until that moment.
Two years later, my tender sympathies have wayned with his refusal to seek further help. Things didn't work out with the therapist our marriage counselor referred my husband to, and he has avoided taking any further initiative whatsoever.
Our relationship has once again deteriorated to talk of divorce. He has become more and more volatile with every argument, and while I am by no means perfect or without fault, and at the risk of sounding like a cold hearted witch with no soul, I can no longer excuse his hateful treatment toward me.
I know that my husband has to *want* help before it can be effective, so I think that laying down an ultimatum (like "get help or I'm gone") is not only counterproductive, but also pointless. At the end of the day, I know my husband better than anyone else, and I know that the furious avoidance is because he is truly terrified of talking about what happened to him.
This is a 10 year marriage to a man I dearly love, that I am desperate to save if I can!
Help! Guidance, suggestions, personal experience, please!