1; How did your partner tell you of his CSA?
Within the first few months of our relationship we were talking about our sexual history and he mentioned his first time was when he was 14 with an older woman. I asked questions which he avoided answering but he did let slip that it was more than an isolated incident and she was in her 30s. I made a comment that if he were a girl and the partner was a guy this would be inappropriate. (little did I know i'd be eating those words.) He assured me it was fine and that was that until four/five years later.
DH finally disclosed that the experience was unwanted and harmful during an argument when I demanded to know what was wrong with him and asked him why he was avoiding sex with me. I felt bad that I pushed him into the disclosure but suddenly everything made sense.
2; Did you suspect there was something wrong?
From the beginning I thought something was off about DH but I couldn't put my finger on what it was. I made am observation to DH that he reminded me of someone who had suffered trauma as a kid, which he denied. DH began having issues two years in and we started counseling because I did not want to marry him given our current issues. Other issues with his mom came out during the course of counseling and we were actually getting better. Before our wedding things took a nose dive.
After the wedding within the first 3 months of being newlyweds DH snapped. He became unrecognizable and our therapist and I were at a loss that he had suddenly back peddled so much after over a year of progress. I knew something was seriously wrong but it took 3 months before he finally was able to disclose.
3; Did he immediately start a program of recovery?
I was fortunate that we were already in therapy and our therapist was able to convince my husband to see a counselor who was able to fully deal with his CSA. He resisted for another month but after telling DH that he owed it to his inner child to get help he finally agreed. He remained in individual therapy for about 9 months. I think he got all he was going to get out of therapy at this point in his life, he may choose to go back eventually if a new life event triggers him. He has learned coping mechanisms and I have learned now to help him and not take things personally. And now I can say he probably only gets triggered once every five or so months.