Wow, I never expected this much response. I thought it was just me and my feelings of inadequecy. Truth is after my CSA at 13, I completely withdrew from the human race. Never had a friend again in my life, except for one at 18, which became sexualized (though without any contact)and ended up a disaster. Otherwise, never let anyone near enough to possibly hurt me again, or learn my "secrets".

Even now when I force myself to go to a men's AA meeting, I feel like everyone there is bigger than me. Even so, I like the honesty that happens there without women around. Honesty...thats another thread!
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"But now old friends are acting strange,
they shake their heads, they say I've changed.
Something's lost but something's gained in living every day
....it's life's illusions I recall, I really don't know life at all. "
Joni Mitchell