Wow, I never expected this much response. I thought it was just me and my feelings of inadequecy. Truth is after my CSA at 13, I completely withdrew from the human race. Never had a friend again in my life, except for one at 18, which became sexualized (though without any contact)and ended up a disaster. Otherwise, never let anyone near enough to possibly hurt me again, or learn my "secrets".
Even now when I force myself to go to a men's AA meeting, I feel like everyone there is bigger than me. Even so, I like the honesty that happens there without women around. Honesty...thats another thread!
"But now old friends are acting strange,
they shake their heads, they say I've changed.
Something's lost but something's gained in living every day
....it's life's illusions I recall, I really don't know life at all. "Joni Mitchell