I have EXACTLY the same issue.
ADD to that, I'm also very uncomfortable around women. I envy you guys that have any friendships at all.
After a very hard short lived dating experience, I've just now learned that I haven't got a clue what "intimacy" is.
I don't understand intimacy. I mean, sure, I can "talk" very intimately, but non verbal intimacy? NONE.
I'm all alone on this planet because of that. My heart is broken. Has been broken almost all my life.
It's a heroes journey, and you are the hero.
-- I must remind myself that sugar is my enemy. I can't control my sugar consumption and sugar makes me mentally unstable. I'm reminding myself (because I forgot again).