Wonders if anyone else who was placed on mood stabalizing medication has had the same desires to go back to the way they were. In an odd way I miss my manic phases. Hurling myself into something and actually focusing on it. Granted I tended to mistreat my body and miss out on food and sleep, but all the ideas I had and creativity seem to be dilluted now. I dont want to go off my meds but I also want the same desire and capacity for deep reasoning i used to have. The meds have squashed my ager outbursts and maintained my schedule more than I would have expected. I just cant seem to wrap my head around the thing I used too. I used to delve into m-theory, philosophy, theology, anthropolog, sociology, almost anything ending in -ology really. Now I'm finding it nearly impossible to make the leaps of logic that I used to. All this stuff cam so easy to me before. Now its a chore. The answer to complex formulli doesnt just pop into my head any more, I have to actually do the work now. Is this the price I will have to pay for the rest of my life. Imparing the one part of me I have had confidence in no matter what, my capacity to reason. All other aspects of my life were in doubt before. My appearance, my social skills, my "life" skills. All highly suspect to me when i recieved a compliment. Just throwing that question out there for folks.
P.S. I'm on 250 mg of quietepine and 20 mg of escytalopram a day if the actual type of meds is important.
I will never ALWAYS be right, I wasn't wrong, I am whats left.