Hi Blue - I am not sure I am clear on your post but "separation" is what makes turning toward each other possible. Separation doesn't mean separate and certainly doesn't mean abandonment - it is the psychological perception of two distinct people who can remain attached while turning away and toward each other.
Anyone ever read HOLD ME TIGHT? It is a really interesting book about adult attachment theory.
As far as the distinction between codependency and support - there is a MAJOR one. I am 100% present should my husband need support, reassurance, comfort, affection. I am not, however, available to be swallowed whole.