Gary - i read your blog. the best i can offer is a familiar phrase - IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT!

sounds like the deck was stacked against you and you were set up for a situation in which few seasoned professionals woul have been able to excel.

two reasons for hope = perhaps the rep will read your written testimony - which may have more impact than if he had been there = and is very well written, i might add. and - perhaps your obvious discomfort and insecurity in speaking will have provided a visual illustration of the affects of CSA upon you -even all this time later.

please don't blame yourself. you did the best you coud under the circumstances.

We are often troubled, but not crushed;
sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend;
and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
- Paul, II Cor 4:8-9