Gary - i read your blog. the best i can offer is a familiar phrase - IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT!

sounds like the deck was stacked against you and you were set up for a situation in which few seasoned professionals woul have been able to excel.

two reasons for hope = perhaps the rep will read your written testimony - which may have more impact than if he had been there = and is very well written, i might add. and - perhaps your obvious discomfort and insecurity in speaking will have provided a visual illustration of the affects of CSA upon you -even all this time later.

please don't blame yourself. you did the best you coud under the circumstances.

As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago