Gary - i read your blog. the best i can offer is a familiar phrase - IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT!

sounds like the deck was stacked against you and you were set up for a situation in which few seasoned professionals woul have been able to excel.

two reasons for hope = perhaps the rep will read your written testimony - which may have more impact than if he had been there = and is very well written, i might add. and - perhaps your obvious discomfort and insecurity in speaking will have provided a visual illustration of the affects of CSA upon you -even all this time later.

please don't blame yourself. you did the best you coud under the circumstances.

"Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself... And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity." - Paulo Coelho