Well it appears my greatest fears have come true. It seems my wife has hit her breaking point and wits end. I thought this day would come. I mean seriously? Who would want to stay with someone who cheated in them?? She said she forgave me and I don't think ahe ever really forgave me. 1 good thing that came from this storm and life changing experience was I got real close with The Lord. I know that I have been nothing but a complete failure pretty much my whole life. I don't blame her at all. I mean I made te mistake and slept with someone 1 night. That is one thing I haven't been able to forgive myself for so how can I expect her to forgive me?? She is a good person and deserves happiness an my drama as ex wife's babies momma drama is more than 1 person can take. Lord knows I have changes my life completely and He knows how many times I have prayed for my death. Even after 1 failed attempt. He saved my life thru a car wreck when I was 16 and my GF at the time died. He saved me when I was gonna blow my brains out. He has some reason for me to be on this world.
I am just a complete failure at everything I have done. My life is turning upside down. I don't want to continue but I see some reason for me to be here. I am not proud of anything about my past. I deserve nothing and I guess in the end that is what I got. I just want y'all to pray for her and my step son. They need the prayers right now. I will continue to serve The Lord but right now I just wish my life was over and done with. There is really nothing more I have to say. Yale probably don't care and read stuff loke this all the time. I am so sick with myself. I just want Gods will in my life and for Him to point me where I need to be in my life. I don't know if she will ask me to leave or what but I kinda figure that time is real soon. It is so hard to feel worthy of anything tho and at the sametime I know that Jesus died for me. I can't control what bullcrap my ex wife says about us or my wife. She lives for that drama. I am just done. I am drained. I feel used by my kids. I feel like I haw let my wife down sooo bad. I feel like just vanishing. I just wanna move to Alaska and live alone so I can't disappoint anyone else or have to deal with this bullcrap. I am done here at this site for a while probably. Talk to y'all later. Please pray. I am sure there are some crazy typos and I just don't care.


Edited by Country (10/11/12 04:41 PM)
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Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her