Hi HD
A couple of things. Esposa put it so well and she got the book right.
You cannot live with a survivor for so long and not become Co-Dependent. There is nothing wrong with being a CD, and there is no shame in being CD. I read things like "So I sat and held his hand to soften him," and think there we go.
If you are adjusting your normal behavior in any way to please him, avoid him, prevent him from doing something, or make him happy. If you are letting go of your dreams and future to care for him and his bad behavior, well those are all CD behaviors. Remember that there is no shame in being CD, it is a wa=y for your mind to cope with the pain.

As for the H. You cannot heal from CSA if you are using and drinking. So if H is drinking he is doing it to avoid the feelings that are surfacing. Alcohol kills feelings and emotions, and in order to heal from this we survivors need to feel.
Love yourself through this, and don't compare your recovery to his, there is unfortunately a huge difference. And don't forget that you are a survivor now too.

Heal well
Martin
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