You'll find alot of stories here expressing feelings and experiences similar to your own. Keep posting and keep reading. You'll learn alot quickly. Healing is a painful process and none of us has done it perfectly, but were all in this together, so ask for help. We're always here.
"But now old friends are acting strange,
they shake their heads, they say I've changed.
Something's lost but something's gained in living every day
....it's life's illusions I recall, I really don't know life at all. "Joni Mitchell