Forgive the pedophile. This makes me angry. I want to piss on his grave. I want to see him burn in hell, and I want to be there to light the match. Forgive the man who drugged me, forced his dick down my throat and raped me? Forgive the man who filled me with anger, fear and self-hate? Forgive the man who caused me to turn to a lifetime of drugs and alcohol to blunt the pain he inflicted on me? Forgive the man who saw to it that I could never have a normal emotional or sexual relationship with another human being? Forgive the man who put the memories in my mind that still invade my days and nights, making me double over in pain? I DON'T WANT TO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But what if I NEED to? What if, as M.J. writes, forgiving that son of a bitch (my words not his) is the missing piece to my own healing? I've been complaining to my therapist that I don't feel like I'm getting anywhere with this recovery stuff and I would do anything to get past it and stop the pain. What if I need to forgive him? Could I? Would I be willing to let go of the hate and anger? Would I be willing to do it? Honestly I just don't know right now. I just don't know.
_________________________
Seems I've got to have a change of scene
Every night I have the strangest dreams
Imprisoned by the way it could have been
Left here on my own or so it seems
I've got to leave before I start to scream
Joe Cocker