Thank you for the responses. Whome I would like your help in identifying what co pendendancy traits you are seeing. And is there a book you recommend? I have been online researching it on several websites and while I can pick out a couple things I do from time to time. I'm not seeing much. I'm totally open to self improvement right now. I guess with the whole changing my approach towards H thing it is because this relationship is my first since my own csa therapy. Before therapy I was really mean and controlling of others and now I am working on finding the balance between doormat and brick wall if that makes sense. My mother said I used to be like a steam roller and I don't want to be that way. I call H out last night I told him that I'm doing all I can to help myself and see my own weaknesses and that he needs to pull his head out and help himself. I told him I don't trust him right now and that he is emotionally abusive and manipulative and that this won't change until he decides to heal. I wasn't cruel but I did say a lot of stuff that would be hard to hear. I've just had it with him blaming me and told him that it is bullshit is problems are not my fault. And when I got done I felt a lot better even though he just sat there with his jaw tight and his lip quivering. The last thing I told him is that him believing he is worthless isn't helping anything and to just try to accept that he is loved by many people. He didn't say much but did say maybe it was time for him to see the T on his own. THANK GOD but back to me what can I do about myself? The last thing I want to be is co dependant.
Keep calm and carry on!