mine is still alive--found him several months ago--i have sat in front of his house and in the parking lot where he still serves. it was a conflicting time of mixed emotions. i could not enter the church where he works--fear gripped me. I still do not know if I should confront when part of me is still fighting the feelings that i was special to him. if he was dead, there would be no option, only look forward i guess. it is very disturbing--what will end the torment--confronting him (or would this make it worse seeing his face and probably not hearing an apology), or leaving it the way it is.