At first I felt nothing. Then relief that he's not out there any more, ... But lately, I've been wishing I could stand in front of him and tell him what he did to me and how much I hate him. And I'm also kinda sad, because he was my father, and now I know I'll never be able to have a "dad", even though in my more rational moments I know that he'd never have been "dad" to me anyway.
Gecko - this is me, exactly - except it was a step-dad, not a real father. if it helps any - i totally understand what it feels like!
BTW - i love geckos ever since living in the tropics. i even have a little silver one on a neck chain.
We are often troubled, but not crushed;
sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend;
and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
- Paul, II Cor 4:8-9