I don't think I was emotionally equipt to have such a hyper sexual experience at such a young age without ending up with a kinky fantasy or two...
I think it is important that survivors understand, that they don't own one ounce of shame...(I had to tell myself, that quite a few times, before I actually believed it).
At the end of the day, "The best revenge is living a good life". This starts with trying to find myself comfortable in my own skin and includes reclaiming a healthy sexuality. (I respect those that have chosen to become asexual).
For me, I absolutely refuse to let my perpetrator steal my sexuality away from me. I am sure my experiences have altered how I eroticize things. ( I can't afford to play the nature/nurture game too long, lest I start to drive myself psychotic looking for answers).
I think fantasies are a many splendored thing as long as they are safe, sane and consensual (some of them were probably, never ever meant to be realized, but isn't that what fantasies are all about...???).
I think it awesome that a couple can establish a dialog where you can both talk about intimate and sensitive subjects without judging. I truly believe, that we are only as sick as our secrets.
I once heard that, "hurt people, hurt people" and if this is so, isn't the opposite true...???
This is where I believe healing can have a very sacred meaning, between two people (kinda like when I started having out of body experiences with my massage therapist). Alas, I cant explain it, it is something that has to be experienced.
We all need comfort and validation from time to time. The journey continues...
Broken (Seether and Amy Lee from Evenescence)
Rise above the storm and you will find the sunshine ~ M.F. Fernandez