I'm sorry you feel that way. I don't know your situation or circumstances, but I an tell you that you are not alone. Every survivor has bee where you are at some time.
It's hard when no one will listen, no one will believe, but keep searching, someone will. I will because I know the worst that humans can do to one another. You see they almost did it to me and, did do the worst to one close to me. And no death is not the worst, I've seen and heard of worse, I know a man had lived worse.
It does get better, never right but better.