i think we all ask that question - Is it worth it? - and the answer varies from day to day and hour to hour - as we are in the midst of things. sounds like you've got some better perspective now. hoping eventually to hear a more positive answer that "perhaps"!

keep writing, man!
Lee
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"That you are here - that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. . . What will your verse be?" Robin Williams as John Keating in "Dead Poets Society"