Hang on! There will be pain and confusion ahead, but there will also come self-understanding, self acceptance, and a growing capacity to experience OTHER emotions, like love and peace. Don't give up. Keep posting because all of us understand and are behind you in this. You WILL make it.
"Suffering was the only thing that made me feel I was alive,
Thought thats just what it cost to survive in this world,
...now I haven't got time for the pain... " -Carly Simon now 67!