I agree about the differences between unmet needs and desires. I've come to learn that unmet desires can also easily lay at the root of an addiction.

I definitely have the need for intimacy and connection at the root of mine, but it goes beyond what I can get from my wife. I haven't ever connected with other men. Wasn't close to my father, and really didn't have close friendships etc growing up, I was definitely a loner. So I have a deep need to connect to men specifically. Nothing in a sexual way though, but because the few times in my life I felt close to other male individuals it was through abusive situations. So I have all that confusion in there as well.

Sadly I find myself so out of sync with all the men around me in my life. I live in a community that if very old fashioned and traditional etc, so men stand around and talk about traditionally "manly" things. Which I have never had an interest in. So I really don't know where to get that genuine need met in a proper and healthy way.

Anxiety and stress are also big triggers for the addiction as well.