Guys, thanks for the comments. Everytime I expose my "inner scumbag" here I'm afraid of being shot down. Thanks for not doing that.
What I wanted most of all was for my story to be a warning to men in all stages of recovery: DON'T FOLLOW MY TOXIC PATH. Every life you touch is affected by your CSA. Even if you don't care much about your own recovery, you can do great damage to innocent people by keeping it a secret and not dealing with it.
Do whatever you have to to get healthy and whole. Don't give up, even when it hurts like hell. You owe yourself, and those around you, this gift.
When you are on your deathbed, looking back over your life, you will not take satisfaction in how many times you got laid, or how drunk and high you got, or how much money you made, or how you fooled everyone into believing you were some kind of saint. It will be how honest, and how well you loved, and were loved by others, that will allow you to go to rest in peace.
BTW, I showed up at 7AM, after working all night, with flowers and gourmet chocolate. Tomorrow after I get a few hours of sleep I'm taking her to lunch and then going canoeing.
Edited by Jude (10/06/12 09:44 PM)
"But now old friends are acting strange,
they shake their heads, they say I've changed.
Something's lost but something's gained in living every day
....it's life's illusions I recall, I really don't know life at all. "Joni Mitchell