I can totally relate. It's been a year now that I have been working towards a newer better life. I keep getting all the positive reinforcement people expect they should give. Praising me for 14 days of sobriety only to use 2 day later. Its almost a self sabotaging of my life. I talked in my group therapy about this a week or two ago. I can work away and get really good at something until someone compliments me on it. Then i file it away under "things i could have been good at". And i turn to some thing new till i get passable enough to share my progress with people then the cycle repeats. Positive reinforcement really affects me the inverse way that it affects most people. Most [eople hear "You look good" and take pride in it. I hear it and the next time i'm infront of a mirror i dig craters into my face where there is any hint of a blemish. I look like I've been in a fight with attack chipminks most of the time. My sensation of pain disappears. nothing matters but trying to be the person i think they saw.
If thats too far off the mark let me know but thats how I feel my situation is similar.
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I will never ALWAYS be right, I wasn't wrong, I am whats left.