Hi,

I posted this before, but I feel the need to post again. Perhaps I will gain a new perspective:

I am in my 30s, single, never married, no kids.

I remember being sexually abused by a neighbor when I was vey young: youngest I could have been was 4, the oldest 6.

I do not recall the exact dates or age or how many times it happened. However, I am quite certain it happened and it happened more than once.

I do not recall that intercourse or oral sex was a part of it. What I remember was being tricked into performing masturbation on the neighbor and that he then kissed me with his tongue in my mouth. I remember these details graphically and explicitly.

I have no idea what happened to this neighbor and I never told my parents. At the time, I had no idea what was sex or sexual acts were. It was only until I grew older that I realized I had been used as a sexual toy.

If I remember these things, but it happened when I was so young, does anyone here think there is any chance I imagined it?

I have been thinking abou this lately because my parents are old and if the abuse really happened, this is my last chance to get some answers to some questions, such as: why was I left in this neighbor's family's care? what is the last name of this neighbor (though admittedly, I am not sure what I would do with such information. If I take revenge, I will end up going to jail rather than the abuser and the abuser is certainly not worth jail time. However, I am concerned the abuser may be working around children.) How many times was I left in the neighbor's care?

I don't know if I should even bring this up to my parents since I can't see there being a way to introduce the issue without causing pain for both my parents and me.

I am particularly concerned that they will not believe me and try to tell me that I was never left with the abuser alone since that would be tantamount to contributing to the abuse.

However, I hate keep this bottled up and I am likewise concerned that if my parents die, I will never get any answers.

Do people here that sometimes there is "too much truth" and that it times its best to leave well enough alone?

Am I being selfish for bring something up that may only satisfy my curiousity and mental well being at the expense of my parents' own mental well being?

Thank you all in advance for reading and providing any insight.