Since I started this thread, I've tried to listen to everyone's advice that I need to take care of myself. I've made a consious effort not to stress about the stuff I can't change and I feel a little...lighter. It's hard though. I've been in a habit for such a long time to just constantly worry about him and focus on him. Here are some things I thought about and kept reminding myself:
--I have to remember that I can't snap my fingers and fix everything.
--He is the only one who can help himself.
--I can be a positive influence by setting a good example.
--I may have to put some of my needs on hold because he may need my support, but I cannot forget about my own needs.
--He is sick and I said "in sickness and health." --(I read this in a recent thread and it got me sort of choked up because I hadn't thought of this and I feel silly for not thinking of it this way.)
--Taking care of my codependency issues will help our relationship.
I also learned that writing helps. It helps me sort out my thoughts so they aren't so scrambled in my brain and overwhelming. Maybe that's why I feel better posting.