it's all classic dissociative reactions.
in other words - you are normal in your responses to a very abnormal traumatic experience.
and most of us here understand most - if not all - of those symptoms.
i know i do.
so - keep on thinking it through, writing it out, posting, sharing, talking, even though it's not unique - your particular details and insights help others and others can in turn help you - we are very symbiotic!
"Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself... And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity." - Paulo Coelho