I don't think he goes to the car for fun, but as you mentioned, to be alone and to escape, to not have to wear the mask for a while. I know he is unsatisfied with this situation. I know he wants to be better. BUT, he refuses therapy. He told me the one thing he is afraid of is being vulnerable, so I'm sure that's a big reason why he won't go. It must be very scary. I just don't want a huge chunk of his life to go by and then look back and realize he was miserable for it.
I'm nervous for my own therapy (I start Tuesday). I'm afraid that I'm going to bawl and cry and be a sobbing mess because someone will actually be hearing about what I've been going through. I've been holding so much in trying to be supportive to him. I'm afraid the therapist will tell me things I don't want to admit to myself. I'm afraid I'll be required to make changes in my life that scare me. For instance, I always threaten to leave, but come crawling back because I'm afraid to be alone or be a single mom. Now I have to face that possibility. I'm a pushover and one reason I want to go to therapy is because my pushover attitude probably allows him to continue doing what he is doing. When did life get so hard?
Thanks for all your replies.