Welcome to MS. Your experiences and feelings are so familiar. You are not alone here. This is a community of men who understand and can relate to what you've been thru. You can speak without fear of judgement here. Keep digging deeper and posting when you feel comfortable. When you get to the bottom, no doubt it will hurt like hell, but you will get thru it, and we'll be here to back you up.
Seems I've got to have a change of scene
Every night I have the strangest dreams
Imprisoned by the way it could have been
Left here on my own or so it seems
I've got to leave before I start to screamJoe Cocker