Rachel,

I can't say there was one turning point. There have been many. After I discovered he was cheating we went to therapy together. The child abuse came out in the first session. He started his own therapy and I would say that he went to that for a couple months. At one point our therapist called him on the carpet and said he was wasting our money and not really working. He stepped up. He joined a group from this website. That was a big step. Threw up after the first session. I drove him, I knew it would be emotional. He doesn't get to see the guys much because it's a distance but they email alot and the support he has received has been invaluable. Sitting face to face with men like yourself is comforting.

As he was uncovering memories that time was very very difficult. He would drink during the day and not tell me. Come home a mess, have a flashback. Say he didn't want to live anymore. It was a terrifying time. I was trying to take care of him and keep all this crap from my children. I put away all my feelings on his infidelity because I totally knew I had the balance of his life in my hands.

I believe first he wanted to change and then I stopped accepting bad behavior. It's been a journey and I have asked him to leave the house twice for drinking. He knows I am serious and I won't tolerate it. That is a BIG BIG step for me. I was such a push over. Never stayed mad for long. But drinking is a big trigger for me. I have heard conflicting advice here on survivor. Some survivors say they don't like or respond well to ultimatums and other say you have to put your foot down. I did what I did because I could no longer tolerate it. It wasn't a decision to keep him it was a decision to keep my sanity. I think that scared him.

He understands my boundaries. I still worry what's going on in his head. I still don't feel safe but I am just taking one day at a time.

Good Luck,
Gretta

PS Therapy is the best gift you can give yourself and your family. smile


Edited by Gretta (10/04/12 08:38 AM)