My story is much like the other wive's here, difference being that I did not know the reason for all my husband's messed up behavior at the time it was going on. My husband cheated walked out on our marriage, leaving me alone in a big rural house we'd had to move to for him just over one year prior. It was then that i found out about alll the lying, misogynistic porn, etc, that had been going on. The man knows how to hide in plain sight let me tell you. Shell shocked doesn't explain that experience for me. No kids so it was complete and total abandonment. His mother did me the pleasure of buying him out of our marriage to the tune of paying off his car loan so he wouldnt have to go bankrupt. I went to therapy for me, to learn how to cope, where to put al that shit and get through to the next day.
Then in in June of this year when he came to get our boat he said something that made me tweak to his CSA. Only in August did he confirm it, on his own with no prompting from me. I had to go into therapy again, for me, to know how to make sense of this new paradigm.
All this to say, please don't resent your husband for not being able to take that step yet. Your therapy is for you, to understand all this, get through your grieving about it, determine if in fact you can be healthy in this marriage, and what the path forward looks like for you no matter what.
After a summer of him pushing and pulling I have decided that I've had enough and have extricated myself from a situation that was causing me great pain. Today I am done. Tomorrow, if he actually chooses recovery and lands on my doorstep, who knows.
Your therapy is for you. Please embrace it, for the good of all of you, especially those kids.